With all the publicity given to politicians' entitlements this week, it's important to remember that we, the plebs, also get gifts from the government. For instance, on your 50th birthday you get a bowel testing kit under the National Bowel Cancer Screening Program. Call me ungrateful but I never used mine. In all seriousness I would have given quite a family history of bowel cancer. But I am also "blessed" with ulcerative coalitis. When you have an inflammatory bowel disease regular colonoscopies are, most unfortunately, par for the course. In fact, I'm so comfortable with what is a seriously uncomfortable business that I now take my camera into the operating theatre. My specialist, bless him, just shrugs. A couple of these pics were actually taken by him proving that he is not only good at his job but is a people person and has a pretty good sense of humour. Look, I know I do speak a lot of crap all the time but on this subject I do know my shit. Colonoscopies totally suck. No, that's a lie. The procedure is completely painless. The prep is revolting but far less revolting than it was when I first started this business 15 years or more ago. I no longer cry or vomit. That's a vast improvement. I won't pretend it's pleasant. It isn't. But I've seen people dying of bowel cancer and frankly it seems like a small price to pay. And you do get sandwiches and biscuits after wards so it's not all bad.