I am a turtle. Now my dad, who had a wicked sense of humour, would have defined a turtle as someone who went into a trance when you out them on their back. Naturally, I am far to polite to mean such a thing. I mean the slow and steady type definition. I also mean hopelessly awkward and uncoordinated when travelling on land. Today I managed a spectacular fall over nothing in particular. It was probably the fastest I'd moved all day because gravity was doing all the hard work. That's me. A rolling stone gathers no moss. A rolling Susan gathers only a few stones in the soft flesh. I could take the approach normally associated with public farting - blame the dogs. They were with me but if I'm honest they were not to blame. I can be hideously awkward and uncoordinated all on my own, thank you very much. So I face planted by the side of the road at Dutton Park as we walked down the hill to the university. There were not that many witnesses and to the best of my knowledge the footage will not be on Australia's Funniest Home Videos any time soon. Nor will I achieve my life's goal of being the subject of a viral video just yet. But give it time. There's no end to my awkwardness. Slow and steady may yet win this race.