Sunday, September 14, 2014

September 14. Day 257. Flapping about

 Exam week. Senior school sucks, it really does. I was the type of senior student teachers loved. Dedicated, polite and hand working (no really). But what that hid was a huge level of ugly I put myself under. I lived in fear of failure. Good marks equalled everything. To fail a piece of assessment would have meant being a failure and it has taken me a very long time to realise they are not the same thing. No one mark defines you. No one aspect of your life defines you. A person is the ultimate package deal.
For this and so many other reasons I laugh out loud when Drama Teen says accusingly that I want him to be like me. Why in God's name would I want that? The teenage me was a stress ball of the type I wouldn't wish on anyone else.
But whether I want it or not there's a lot of stressing going on around our place as we move into exam week. The flapping about that is going on is quite extraordinary (and that's just by me). I guess that this is just a right of passage all students go though. Frankly the notion that school days are the best of your life is cruel. Sure there are not the same pressures to earn a crust or make adult decisions but the pressure to perform is immense.
So I try to ignore the flapping, support where possible and provide food and assistance where needed. And then I hide and try and keep out of the way. It's the best I can do.

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