Body fluids. Snot. Vomit. Wee. Poo. Toe Jam. Belly Button Fluff.
There is no shortage of it in children's entertainment.
Yep bums, nostrils and ear wax are hilarious. Totally hilarious - but there is more to life.
As I see it, there are two types of kids entertainment. There's the type where, as an adult, you endure the performance but love watching the joy on your youngster's face.
Then there's the entertainment where you actually getting your money's worth in your own right. Surprisingly I've seen body-fluid-inspired entertainment of both types.
But one of the great things about your kids growing up is that there are more and more things you can enjoy together and less and less times when the idea of having to point your fingers and do the twist one more time makes you want to have a little lie down after consuming a medicinal drink. The number of body fluid jokes also trails off a little until you get to comedy festivals and then they are back with a vengeance.
Twelve years of reviewing family entertainment means I've seen it all - the good, the bad and the snotty. Kids entertainment is now big business. Where there are $$$$ to be made there is no shortage of dubious operators ready to cash in on parents willing to invest big bucks to expose their kids to a full range of entertainment opportunities.
And there are the professional, really professional outfits.
Today it was a pleasure to be the audience of a Queensland Symphony Orchestra's Kiddie Cushion Concert. It's been a long time, but the thrill of seeing and hearing the orchestra so close up in such an intimate space is such a delight.
What I especially love is that there are the Kiddie Classics such as Bananas in Pyjamas and Do You Put Your Hat on Your Foot but they are performed alongside music from Sleeping Beauty and the Nutcracker Suite. A guest performance by a ballerina sealed the deal.
The kids seemed happy to dance and clap along to the full range of the orchestra's offerings. They also got to meet the different sections of the orchestra and hear the story of Peter Rabbit with an orchestral accompaniment.
And an hour later they were out the door and home in time for a nap (Perhaps that was just me).
I'm pretty sure everyone felt they got their money's worth with not a single fart or bum joke. Quality.