Thursday, May 11, 2017

May 11. Day 131. Let me sleep on it

 When I announced to the world a couple of days ago that a sleep study had diagnosed sleep apnea, the response from those intimately familiar with living with the condition  was immediate and overwhelming: A CPAP machine would change my life. "Trust me, you will feel better. Yeh, its not the sexiest thing in the world but neither are snoring, stroke or cardiac arrest," said one. "You will feel better. I have had machine for several years and it really helps", said a second. And even better: "CPAP saved our marriage". Yes because a machine that makes you look and sound like Darth Vader is a definite plus in the bedroom.   I know what she meant. The machine is not sexy. But nor is living with someone who snores, stops breathing in their sleep or is constantly tired and irritable. Chronic, overwhelming, debilitating fatigue is my biggest problem. I know why sleep deprivation is an official form of torture. I feel like I am going to crack and give up state secrets or confess to just about anything most of the time. Just as well no-one ever tells me this stuff. It is really distressing personally because sleeping is something I consider is one of my super powers. I am someone who loves the nap and now I learn that my sleep quality is essentially crap. This is most disappointing. I really want this trial to work (and not just because I am already about $300 out of pocket). I don't want to be so tired I feel like crying. I don't want to wake up feeling less rested than when I went to sleep. But I went down this path once before and they told me I would be amazed by the improvement. I noticed nothing. I know I am not alone in this. The was one negative voice among the Hallelujah Chorus of approval for the CPAP machine. "I did the machine and it was awful for me," said Brett adding "I hope you have better results". Trust me Brett, so do I. I'll keep you posted. Watch this space.

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