Friday, October 14, 2016

October 14. Day 288. She had it coming

If my memory of religious instruction from my very distant past serves me correctly, you do not have to actually act on negative thoughts for those thoughts to be sinful. Wanting to do it is still wrong even if you don't follow through. If this is correct I should get me to a confessional. But first let me explain using the words of the Cell Block Tango from Chicago by way of justification.
She had it coming
she had it coming
She only had herself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
See, I'm a lover not a fighter. I don't want to smack people. I really do try to turn the other cheek and not abuse strangers in public places. Like the little pied cormorant at South Bank this afternoon I would take an awful lot of provocation from the swooping noisy miners before I snapped. Tonight I came really, really close. I was at the theatre in the audience of The Memory of Water, an intensely funny but poignant piece that I was enjoying immensely except for the dialogue - from the woman behind me. It was incessant and ridiculous. The observations ranged from fashion assessment "oh I like those pants". To commentary "Wow, they've nearly drunk that whole bottle" to critique "she's really good isn't she" to plot development "so she's the mother. I didn't know she was the mother. Did you see that coming?" It didn't stop. At first I wanted to glare. Then I wanted to sshhh her, then smack her and eventually when a coffin was carried on stage and the commentary reached a crescendo I was stifling a laugh. It was was loud as it was distracting. Now because I would not turn round for fear of what I might do next, it is possible there are mitigating circumstances. It is possible the woman had some intellectual impairment and if that is so I am genuinely sorry and my intent is not to mock. But seriously it was hard to take. And the fact is there are plenty of people in sound mind and body who are selfish theatre goers. There are those who rustle chip packets, take photos,  forget to turn off their phones cough, snore or, as in tonight,  just won't shut up.
The only place these things should happen is on stage or in interactive performances where you are invited to do so.
Otherwise let's leave the chatting to those on stage or for intermission or the drive home. Otherwise don't be surprised if I swoop in and try to peck your eyes out.

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